FEAR – A Dangerous Enemy.
– The most common fears that people have and how to overcome them.
If given reign, Fear binds you – it keeps you locked in and holds you in place. If you allow it, it will keep you from moving ahead and from realizing your dreams; it will stop you in your tracks.
Of the many things that get in the way and prevent us from attaining what we need and want in our lives, fear would have to be the biggest obstacle, and it is amazing the many disguises it can take on. Fear can paralyze us; it can prevent us from making decisions, it will hold us from taking action and will keep us from asking for what we really want out of life.
– The most common fears that people have:
1. Fear of failure – this is built upon the old adage that we have to succeed at everything we do. Traditionally this would have to be the most common reason why people do not try something.
2. Fear of success – believe it or not, some people are afraid of succeeding. For them, success means taking on more responsibility, being the focus of more attention, being more accountable along with the continuous pressure to maintain high level performance.
3. Fear of rejection – when we take a social or professional risk, we open ourselves up to rejection. For some, this triggers feelings of unworthiness or can lead them to feeling like they lack talent in some particular area of their life. This is not true. All it really means is that another, person or group holds a different view to yours. Rather than take it to heart, you should view it as a single incident where what you had to offer was different and not compatible with what was wanted at the time. So move on!
4. Fear of being judged – as children we grew up seeking the approval of our parents and peers. As adults we are really no different and can create problems by believing that others are constantly judging us. This prevents us from doing what we want or what needs to be done. What we need to understand that judging ourselves or others is a waste of time and serves no positive purpose.
5. Fear of expressing our true feelings – it is vital that we are willing and able to express our true feelings if we are to be successful in life. Poor communication has ruined many relationships, while honest and open communication that is delivered in a non abusive and non violent manner is so much easier to do. In fact it is a good habit and practiced regularly, does more to enrich and keep our lives in balance than just about any other thing we can do.
6. Fear of being alone or abandoned – some people stay in abusive and miserable relationships, whether business and personal, because they don’t like to be alone. As a result they don’t speak of their true feelings because they fear that their colleagues, friends and loved ones will turn away from them. The important thing to understand here is that if people reject or leave us because we are honest about our feelings, then we are better off without these people in our lives. When we build a strong sense of our self worth, then the fear of being alone usually fades.
7. Fear of the unknown – let’s face it, life is full of unknowns. The best way to take care of them is to know our values, needs, wants and standards and then use these to guide us toward what we are willing to put our time and money into. This includes some risk, but so does living. If we just stay in the present moment, fear of the unknown cannot take breath; the past cannot influence us and the ‘what ifs’ of the future cannot create needless anxieties in our minds. The unknown can be exciting, so long as we use our commonsense, intuition, and values to guide us from moment to moment, day to day and project to project.
8 Fear of intimacy – true intimacy comes from having unconditional love for those with whom we share it. Unconditional love is not easy for many of us to learn and master, but it is essential if you are going to be tolerant and non-judgmental and respect the needs and wants of others in your life.
9. Fear of emotional pain – we can only feel pain if we allow it. Life is full of lessons, and it is within these lessons that we make mistakes and experience some kind of let down. These things do not have to turn into emotional pain or suffering, unless we give them permission and the go-ahead to do so.
10. Fear of embarrassment – no one, not one of us, likes to make mistakes publicly, especially if it makes us feel ashamed or depicts us as being foolish in the eyes of others. But, we have the choice of whether to allow these judgments to affect us or not.
– How to overcome them:
It is important to overcome these fears or else they will keep you from fulfilling your truest desires. Here are a few things you might consider to keep fear in perspective.
Acknowledge fear – fear will continue to set off alarms until you acknowledge it. Learn to recognize when you are afraid and thank fear for the information it is providing you.
Use the acronym- F.E.A.R. – false evidence appearing real. Amazingly as blasé as this sounds, it reminds us of the reality that most of our fears have no basis in reality and should be examined for their validity.
Realize fear can be a gift – fear is not all bad. It’s an emotion that is used by all of us that helps set up boundaries around dangerous situations and people that could cause us harm.
Analyze fears message – your fearful reaction about a future event speaks out to you on many levels. Listen to your thoughts, assumptions and dreams. Be still; sit down with your fear, listen and find out what it’s telling you.
Fear as a tool – fear is neither good nor bad, but our reaction to it can be. It’s just another of the tools in our emotional toolbox and you should know that life offers us this tool as an aid to our self development.
Make a choice and stand up to fear – you now have a choice based upon the information fear is providing to decide just who you want to be and how you want to act during a fearful situation. It’s an opportunity to be responsive rather than being reactive.
Keep perspective on fear – remain open during a fearful experience. What lessons are there for you to learn; about yourself, about others and about life itself? What are you being taught? Are you experiencing a fear that you should have learnt to overcome before?
Realize that working through fear isn’t an easy process – it will keep showing up and testing your resolve. Know that working through fear will require you to affirm your choice over and over.
Practice courage – be courageous, this can be a big call, acting in spite of fear, but is usually necessary to face it down.
Practice compassion – be compassionate and patient with yourself, fear is not easy to work with. Remember experience requires us to both fail and succeed in order to get the full picture.
Keep the desired outcome in mind – keeping your attention on the end result will keep you moving through the experience and toward the desired outcome.
Reduce the fear – instead of trying to tackle the fear as a whole, break it down to smaller components and then deal with these one at a time. ‘It’s a cinch by the inch, but it’s hard by the yard’.
Share the fear – share the load. Find a trusted friend who you can talk about your fears with in confidence. Often when talking them over, solutions occur to us and return our confidence.
Just doing it – sometimes you just can’t get over or around your fear, yet if the objective is important enough and you really want it, you just have to stand up to it (fear) and proceed regardless.
In all events – when facing fears remember this: ‘Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered, and no one was there’.
Tags: fear, overcoming fear
[...] Of the many things that get in the way and prevent us from attaining what we need and want in our lives, fear would have to be the biggest obstacle, and it is amazing the many disguises it can take on. Fear can paralyze us; it can prevent us from making decisions, it will hold us from taking action and will keep us from asking for what we really want out of life. Read more [...]